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I have never been an angry mother. I had visions of a home life of butterflies, rainbows, and tiny babies all together…well, not true, though. I never thought I would be the mom who comes home at the end of the day and opens her proverbial lid to find dishes in the sink and shoes on the floor, but still…
In fact, this week I came home from a rare lunch with friends to find just that there is none Three of my children followed the simple instructions I gave while I was away. The tasks were small, and easily completed when I got home, but because they were not taken care of during my absence. he filled me with a fury I cannot describe. When I screamed “DO YOU LOVE ME?!” I immediately felt a pain in my gut-I didn’t want to be this angry, yelling at my mother. Of course, the children had ignored my advice, but where did all this anger come from?
I’m willing to bet that most women reading this blog have felt more anger at one point or another, whether it’s directed at your children, loved ones, or some ignorant person. In fact, this “motherly rage” is a common phenomenon—but why? What leads to the feeling of helplessness that drives these uncontrollable, aggressive thoughts?
In my experience, I feel a lot of “anger” when I feel like I’m out of control of my story. I feel like I’m failing. I feel like the world is on my shoulders and there is no help (or end) in sight. But why do things like incomplete homework and thoughtless clutter make me feel SO AFFECTED?
Honestly? It’s stressful. It’s the pressure to “enjoy every moment,” to be a “hero mom,” to have a nice, Insta-worthy home, baby clothes, and life. This pressure affects us women every time, and instead of realizing what it is – it’s an impossible, impossible standard – we turn our frustrations and criticisms inside out. We feel like we can handle this with all the grace of mom bloggers and Insta-influencers who look just like that. Asa. simple. These impossible standards set the stage for burnout, frustration, depression, anxiety, and anger.
So what will the mother do? I have found great comfort and relief in talking to others who “get it.” Whether it’s your partner, a potential partner, a group of women, or a family member, Having someone to talk to who can hear you without judgment is the best way to overcome isolation and stress. Most of all, it’s a wonderful relief to realize that you’re not alone in your struggles with society’s impossible standards, and it brings an amazing strength to deal with them.