Ep #98: How to Adopt a Child

You want your niece, nephew, or cousin to come and live with you, but they won’t let you? Have you been asked to have your child stay with family or friends or anything and you don’t feel comfortable about it? Then this part is for you. Listen to yourself.

Welcome to Parental Preparationthe only show that helps sleep-deprived and stressed-out parents navigate the most important childhood years with their baby, toddler, and child. If you are ready to provide the best care for your newborn, look after the little ones, and grow with your baby, you are in the right place. Now here’s your host, parenting expert, Devon Clement.

Hello and welcome back to Parental Preparation podcast. Today’s story is not really about parents. Well, it is, but keep listening if you are a parent because this will be very important to you. You will want to send this to your family and friends who have been asking when they are going to pick up your baby.

This article is called How to Adopt a Child. And it’s meant for relatives, grandparents, aunts, uncles, friends who you know really want to be with your child and want you to know that you’ll watch over them during that time, come over to their house, make them stay, all that stuff. And it can be a very difficult question. It can be a very difficult subject. We take our niece Audrey all the time, and one of the questions we always get is, does she just let you take her? Like, they would only let you keep him for a few days at a time or like a long weekend or whatever, since he was so young.

And the answer is yes they do. And I think there are many reasons for that. I mean, they have a business and they’re very busy with work, so they’re thankful when they get, you know, extra childcare and they can focus on their work. Also like, there are so many reasons why I make “give your baby” so good. And I think there are a lot of traps that other family members can fall into that will prevent you from wanting them to take your child or you allowing them to take your child.

So, if you are a relative, friend, grandparent, someone like that who wants your precious child to come and live with you, this section is for you. I’ll tell you how to do this and how to make the experience so enjoyable for parents that they’ll be happy to take their child again and again.

First and foremost, if you find nothing else in this section, find this: Safety first. Parents are very nervous and with good reason. There are many ways in which evil happens. And when you become a parent for the first time, you are given this information constantly. This is how you can kill your child. This is how you can, you know, let your child have an accident. This is how you can destroy them forever, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, whatever. You know, a lot of it is scary, but a lot of it is real.

So, learn to use the car seat properly. Show them that you will protect their child. Show them that you know how to follow good sleep guidelines and don’t let their nine-month-old sleep in a chair where they can easily roll off the floor.

Show that you’re aware of potential causes, choking hazards, making sure you’re watching them so they don’t, you know, get into any trouble. And when the baby is four months old, maybe they are rolling a little, they can’t really get into anything. But when they are one, half and half, even eight months, nine months, 10, like Audrey is at the age that they have to be watched all the time so that they don’t stick their finger in the electric socket or fall and hit their head on the table or climb the stairs and fall down.

There is a lot of potential for bad things to happen, and you want to show these parents that you are proactive and that you are concerned about safety. Always put them on their back to sleep. You know, take a CPR class, take a CPR and first aid class and tell the parents that you’ve done this so that if something happens while you’re there, God bless you, you know what to do in that situation.

Likewise, follow their plan. Show that you are willing to keep the child on any routine or schedule that the parents are following because whether you agree or believe it or not, they do. And there is nothing worse than being away from your child for a few hours and being brought back to a sleepless, underfed, tired, completely exhausted, overtired, frustrated and miserable child for being off their schedule.

And this can be easy to do, especially if you don’t know it or want to do something fun like going to the park or going out to eat or whatever. But, you know, if the parents are very strict about the schedule, show that you can follow it and that you can keep the child on time.

Tip three, make it easy for them. First, plan around them. You know, the ones that make you wiser about when we pick him up, when we pick him up, when we drop him off. This is the easy part. You pick it up and leave it. Don’t expect your older child to pick up their child at the weekend and then drop them off at the grandparents’ house and wait for them to come pick up their child. Like, I always take him, first, because I like him. I just love picking up her clothes. I’m like, please don’t wear it because I want to decide what she’s wearing when she’s with me. But I also know that it makes them easier.

And then when I pick him up, I leave him. When I pick him up and leave him, or when I leave him, I take him out of his bag. I will wash her with me so that I can give them back clean clothes and not a suitcase full of dirt. You know, I’m making the job easier for them. I know what they eat. I know how to prepare, you know, all his food. I knew how to, you know, make his way and everything. Like I could get all those things so they didn’t have to think about it.

So ask yourself, how can I prevent this from happening to the parents so that they can look forward to it and it’s fun and exciting for them to have their child, instead of, “Oh my God, I have to deal with all these things and it’s going to be scary. And right now, you know, my parents are spending a lot of time with him while I’m working or doing housework or whatever. Make it fun and easy for them to want to give up your child.

Part of the process, you know, is to go back and stick to the process and follow the safety instructions, don’t roll your eyes when they tell you, you know, be careful with the car seat. Don’t say, “Oh, I know,” when they tell you, you know, not to let him choke on grapes. All those things, don’t turn your eyes away, show that you understand.

Don’t worry, “When are you going to stop breastfeeding so I can take the baby overnight?” Like that doesn’t get you anywhere. Be supportive. Like, well, I hear you’re not ready yet, but when you are, you know, I’m here. Or if you need help with training to sleep or take them on a schedule or whatever, so that it is easy for you to give them away, that is.

Help, understand that it will be difficult, and understand that it will take time. And that at that time, you want to increase your credibility as a person who can take their child safely. Maybe one day they’ll let you babysit for a few hours and you’ll do the best job they like, you know, next time I drop them off at your house. You might say, “Oh, I watched some baby-proofing videos and I made sure my house is baby-proofed so when you’re ready to have a baby come here, I’ll be ready to take them.”

You know, you can get your things so they don’t have schlep like a pack-n-play, a monitor, tons like diapers, all that stuff. Like we have a pack-n-play at our house that I have on Facebook Marketplace. We had, you know, a baby chair when I was little that I got on Facebook Marketplace. Like, you can get these things cheap. You don’t have to be like these new things.

Also, it was important to me that it be something that we could easily carry when he was not with us. So I have things that were, you know, collapsible and portable and lost to help them. But, you know, it builds up over time. “Yeah, I have a little game. So if you want to come and find a place for the baby to sleep, we have it.”

So just think about how I can make this easier and more fun for the parents, not how I can make this easier and more fun for me or us, grandparents or aunts and uncles or whoever. And I think that before long, you’ll be bringing the baby to you so you won’t know what to do with yourself and you’ll be like, “Oh my God, I can’t have a baby this week. I want to grow up and do my own thing.” Not that anyone can claim to be lucky enough to babysit on the weekends.

Would you like to hear your adoption stories or what it would take to let your child go live with someone else, any frustrations you are going through. You can share with us on our website, happyfamilyafter.com, or on Instagram @happyfamilyafter. DM, email, leave a voicemail. We are happy to hear from you.

To make sure you don’t miss an episode, be sure to subscribe to your favorite podcast. We also want to connect with you on social networks. You can find us on Instagram @happyfamilyafter or on our website at HappyFamilyAfter.com. On our website you can also leave us a voicemail with any questions or suggestions you may have, and you can fire up your child. I will talk to you soon.

Thanks for listening to this week’s episode of Parental Preparation. If you would like to learn more about the services Devon offers, as well as access her free monthly webinars, visit www.HappyFamilyAfter.com.