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Inspired by fellow blogger Jaye Marie who posted this on her blog on Relationships:
I have always been interested in relationships.
Any kind of friendship really, because when I was growing up, it seemed like everyone had someone except me.
I spent most of my childhood in foster homes, where many other children were like me. It’s sad that the little forgotten people who didn’t really understand the problems of the world or why most people seemed to have families and people to take care of them?
Eventually, I realized that the problem was mine. It was somehow my fault that no one wanted or liked me. This was a simple mistake of a child, because we have to continue with the facts and reasons as we see them.
My adult life has not changed that opinion. I have left a trail of broken relationships, marriages and heartbreak wherever I can find it. And even though I tried so hard to make things work, it never happened, not properly. Maybe I still have something to learn, maybe that’s why I find relationships so interesting. Studying them at every opportunity, I still hope to discover the magic of magic.
What Jaye Marie and many others must learn to understand would have come naturally if the right conditions had been around since birth. It’s like learning your mother tongue when you’re young, you don’t know about learning or failing pronunciation or pronunciation. The parent pronounces everything very different and repeats it even at the age when the child does not have the chance to say the word. When parent-child contact is appropriate, the child desires to know each name and points and questions continuously to the parents’ delight. In the same way, the child learns to understand the parent and his inner personality in the parent and helps to put the right words for thoughts and situations such as being:
hunger, thirst, fatigue, fear of anger or happiness
By using everyday events from all the times we spend with the baby, understanding what is happening in himself and the other will grow. This is a good situation when the baby can grow and develop in a safe and secure environment. They just know that they are loved unconditionally.
You don’t have to be a parent to do these things right for a child. The key is consistency in maintenance. A child without parents needs as few caregivers as possible. Anyone who sincerely does what I have described along with taking care of the basic needs of food, enough sleep and proper clothing will be able to see the child progressing well. An orphan will feel hopeless, and the greatest help is to give his story to the child. See a post on this here and another here.
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In my work as a Health Visitor I have seen the lack of ways some parents take care of their children. Often it is due to not knowing much about the needs of babies or combined with a significant lack of emotional resources of parents. Correcting this problem is very difficult because parents are at risk of adopting the wrong ideas about their parenting method. You don’t have much time to change these habits as every day in a child’s life is important. They can’t wait long to get the right treatment without side effects. On the other hand, parents must have confidence in you to accept what will help them. Sometimes this is not possible because adults with serious mental problems do not have faith in anyone.
Both parents and children need help to cope if a parent or parents have a mental health problem. For those who want to help a child to develop properly, several things can help such as
- Stay close to the child’s face when talking. Help him make eye contact and smile. Always on the change table and in any other situation where things can be explained.
- Be generous and smile and say good words and phrases to help the child
- Help the child when he cries or screams. Hold tight and wrap and talk gently while you try to settle him down and put him in a crib or carrier. Sit there with a hand on the blanket to calm him until he falls asleep.
- Be a helper at mealtime. Hold your head and smile as he calmly talks about food and how he can do it.
- Be an assistant in motor development and show the way in small steps such as looking at the bright objects on his stomach and gently rolling him from side to side until he knows it on his own. From then on, each child will continue to crawl and then sit and stand.
- When you are closed, ask how do you think little Emma understands this?
This can be learned even if the parents are unskilled and the child can benefit from it. A method of using different types of videos can be beneficial. When you get a few seconds where the parent and child are looking, you can stand up and show a “cool” picture. This can make a big difference in the feeling of the relationship with the child. The method is called “Marte Meo” and was developed by a Dutch worker who wanted a way to show parents how they helped autistic children grow. This method is widely used in “Health Visits” in Denmark to help parents understand and support their children.
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