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I take a deep breath and wake up when a small hand grabs my shoulder. What time is it? Where am I? I look at the clock – 3:42am – a little voice whispers “Mom? I’m in an accident.” I sigh and get out of bed, and walk into the bedroom where I am asked to change the sheets and put the little one back on the bed in a new pair of pajamas. A few minutes later, when I returned to my own bed, I closed my eyes and prayed for sleep to come quickly. I know my alarm clock will go off in less than two hours and I wish I could get some sleep. But it doesn’t come. My mind races, I think about the day ahead, worry about getting everything done and add “cleaning sheets” to my list of thoughts. I don’t know how much time passed before I left, only to wake up what seemed like minutes later to the sound of a loud, merciless alarm. Did I sleep? It doesn’t sound like it. Groaning, I get up and start my day, barely able to start making coffee before entering the kitchen with a small mouthful waiting to be fed. I am very tired. I just want to go back to sleep. I can’t do this anymore.
Sound good? I think all women come to a point from time to time when they feel like the load is too good to carry. When they feel like changing the papers at 3:42am would be their distraction. When he wants to go out the door and just walk. Mother Fatigue: it’s a wonderful name for feeling tired and hopeless. I feel like you can’t cook one more meal, you feel like you’re failing even if you try, so hard, and you burst out with anger when you’re flavored and you only need two minutes to taste it yourself. What do mothers do when they feel like there is nothing they can do?
Relax.
Allowing yourself to breathe is not giving up. It’s not laziness. It is recognizing a need in yourself that you need to fulfill. If you’re a working mom with a lot on your plate, take a day off! That’s what PTO is for. If you’re a stay-at-home mom who hasn’t been alone for weeks (months? years?), invite your partner, friends, family, and have lunch by yourself. Sometimes a little “break” can go a long way.
Go to the root.
Is there a problem in your home that keeps bothering you? Does peeing make you tired? Is mealtime a daily battle? Identify the issue (it could be one of many, but you have to start somewhere!) and create a plan to start solving the problem. When things get overwhelming, getting to the root (or one of the roots!) and creating a plan to deal with them can help you stay calm and stress-free.
Exercise!
Of course not! Whether it’s a quick walk around the block with a baby in a stroller or a trip to the gym (many of them have childcare!), the benefits of exercise are well known. Exercising releases feel-good chemicals in your brain, and my favorite part? When you’re working, you don’t think too much about anything else. For that time, whether it’s 20 minutes or an hour, you are free from stress and anxiety.
Have boundaries.
Learning to say “no” can be difficult and uncomfortable, but well-set boundaries can be a real mental health saver. It is best not to apply for any volunteer opportunities at your children’s school. And if visiting your parents for Sunday dinner sounds like too much trouble, it’s better to leave them for a week. Set yourself up for success by looking inward and deciding what is most important and what can wait.
Talk about it.
Whether it’s a psychologist or a trusted friend, talking to someone who understands and responds with compassion can be uplifting. A reminder that you are not alone in all the other times moms need to wake up and keep going. There is power in the community!
Doing this will not solve all the problems of motherhood, but taking care of yourself is the first step to having a healthy family. Moms, you set the tone for your home, and as the saying goes, “you can’t pour into an empty cup.”
If you feel that your stress is getting worse and your depression is getting worse, please contact your health care provider or give us a call. National Maternal Mental Health Hotline: 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) or visit Postpartum Support International. You are not alone. You are loved.
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