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As a first-time mom, I had the same fantasy we all do: an angelic baby in cute clothes, sleeping soundly in her cute crib without any effort from either of us.
Boy, was I wrong.
Our reality is waking up every night to comfort a screaming, overtired baby.
After drinking a nasty cup of coffee the next day to make up for it (and feeling frustrated and wrong), we’re so happy when our baby sleeps anywhere: car seat, bouncy seat, baby carrier, or in our arms. A friend of mine used to drive her son for hours to help him sleep.
My daughter started in the bassinet next to our bed, and that worked fine for a while until the first couple grew up where she wanted to eat every twenty minutes.
I had good intentions when I first let him sleep beside me; I was breastfeeding and I thought we would all sleep so well. I fell in love with “Sleep Time” – that is, until she rolled out of bed at 3 AM one morning.
Fortunately, he was not hurt, but I was very angry.
I took this fall as an opportunity to get into the world of transitioning my son into his crib, and the following are a few tips that helped.
Be consistent!
I’m sure I’m not the first to tell you that babies develop naturally. They rely on us to teach them good sleep habits, and it’s really confusing if we don’t establish a bedtime routine that says, “Okay, this is where you sleep.”
You don’t have to do three hours of makeup every night including a bath and full spa-class body massage; just find what works for your child and stick with it.
I was no ordinary soldier, but after trying everything else, I decided to try to tell him it was time for bed. My little mom is now happy to lie down after I change her diaper, turn off the lights, and read her a short story. Most nights, except for teething, he is asleep before I leave the room.
Babies love to know what’s coming. Being consistent sometimes involves a few tears from both of you, but try and remember that the bed is the safest place for children to sleep, and this will be good for both of you in the long run.
Make the bed as if you are there.
If your cutie just sleeps in your arms, try to create the same position in their crib. An article in Parents magazine explains three common ways babies fall asleep (in your arms, in a baby carrier or sling, or in a swing or car seat) and how you can change the habit.
One of the ideas was to “make the bed like Mother”: try to warm the bed with a warm towel or a hot water bottle, because a cold bed always wakes the baby up. Always remove the towel or hot water bottle before putting the baby to sleep.
Your baby knows and craves your scent, even when asleep. Try sleeping on his bed sheets for a few days before trying to change him. You can also try placing the t-shirt you wore that day, or even a breast marker next to her when you put her down so she feels like you’re not far away.
Cooking helps, too. If you have a very young child, his uncontrollable eruptions may wake the child up. Hold him in a blanket and he will wake you up. If she’s already older, sleeping bags are a life saver (especially for blanket haters like my daughter). Each of these methods will help them to stay warm, and reduce the movement of peaceful sleep.
Get used to the bed.
Your child needs to know that his bed is a safe place. It is unlikely that they will combine it with a good night’s sleep if you just put them in there and run.
This article on WhatToExpect.com shows several ways to help your child make sure his bed is comfortable:
- Move the baby’s crib to your bedroom: when he starts to sleep in his own place, you can change his crib to his bedroom.
- Donkey in his room: If your child’s room is big enough, you can sleep on air mattresses or cots for several nights.
- Stay in his room for a while: Pull a chair closer to his bed, then move it further away each night. Then sneak away when you see that he can sleep on his own.
- Try to sleep first: This is one thing I wish I could do. Put them in the room for a few weeks to sleep. Once he gets used to it, sleeping in bed will not be a big problem.
One thing that helped me in my case was short “play dates” with the baby. I used to put Max in there with his favorite toys, and he was so distracted by them that he didn’t know where he was. Now he knows that it is good for him to be in it.
If you try this and your loved one is sleeping, be sure to slowly remove the toys from the bed just to be safe (and make sure they don’t turn off the toys in the middle of the night!).
When we were trying to get Max to sleep in his room at night, my husband and I played soft music on our wireless speaker (the Beatles were his favorite). Right now I’m trying the free White Noise app I downloaded on my tablet to help him relax in bed, which I think is working too. He slept for about three hours the first day I tried!
Don’t rush in.
Many new parents make the mistake of rushing to comfort their baby at the slightest noise. It took me a few months to learn that my daughter “talks in her sleep”, but I was finally able to relax enough to wait to see if she actually woke up.
Remember that your loved one is getting used to this new environment. You will understand his different cries and learn when he is dreaming or when he really needs something.
Tracy Hogg wrote in her book, “Secrets of the Baby Whisperer,” that “we should just watch and do nothing.” Babies go through a pattern every time they go to sleep. [at every little sound]. Instead of interfering with the baby’s movement, we need to step back and let the baby sleep on its own.”
Being Hard is Hard.
Sometimes you have to flex your patience muscles. If all of your baby’s needs are met, and there is no medical reason for the crying, you can just let them fuss for a few minutes. You don’t have to go overboard; try checking them every 5 to 15 minutes to make sure.
Just try not to encourage them: keep the lights low, don’t talk to him, and try not to pick him up in bed. You want your baby to be able to soothe himself to sleep without your help.
Dr. Charles Schaefer wrote in an article for Parents.com: “Stop worrying that neglecting your child when they cry will be emotionally damaging.” I know it’s frustrating, but sometimes it’s the only way to learn. Dr. Schaefer says:
If you have a young child, the process of setting up a plan will be easier. Pamela High, MD, emphasizes: “With young babies, parents often think that crying will last longer than usual.” Babies under 5 months usually only sit for 15 or 20 minutes.
Relax.
It won’t help either of you if you lose your patience. Sometimes it’s better to stop if you start to feel stressed. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to take a shower or step outside while my daughter is crying in the other room. Most of the time, he was asleep before I came.
It’s painful to hear your baby cry, but if you want to breathe, you need to breathe. Ask your spouse, family member or friend to watch over your child so you don’t fall when you take a warm bath or walk.
Children know when we are stressed, so it can only make him crankier if you are worried. Try to relax, and don’t forget that the bed is not a safe place to sleep, but it is a safe place for them if you need to rest and there is no one to watch them.
It’s better to take ten minutes to take a hot bath or listen to some music than to be impatient and start feeling bad about it later.
Be Flexible.
Being consistent when it comes to routines is important, but only you know your child best. All babies are different, and no matter how many books you read or how much research you do on the subject, you will have to find what works best for you.
I used to put Max in his car seat, which was on the dining room table. After this, my husband and I decided that he could take a two or three hour nap in what we affectionately called the “Nap-Nap Chair”: a rocking chair that sits in the full bathroom in the shape of our toilet and shower (please don’t judge..or tell your eco-friendly friends).
Read as much as you can on the subject and take away a little from each book or article you read. Try different things and eventually you will find the right “Sleep Concoction”. We as mothers always try to teach our children, but we always learn as well. You may need to experiment a bit before you realize how effective this change will be with your child.
You Can Do This.
Honestly, I’m no expert (this is my first time too). My daughter sleeps in her bed all night now, but transitioning her sleep from the aforementioned Nap-Nap Chair to the bed has been a little scary.
I still want to know who I am, how I can know who I am, how I can meet each other in the darkness of the future. But every day gets better, and he’s been sleeping longer in his bed for about a week now.
Babies change very quickly. Don’t worry that your child will still be sleeping until they go to college. Try to cherish the memories of his sweet sleep in your arms or next to you; time passes in the blink of an eye.
If you feel it’s time to let them know their own space, try to find a bedtime that works for both of you, and it will get easier over time.
None of my advice should be a substitute for the guidance of a medical professional. There are countless books and articles written by experts on the subject if you need additional help. Please feel free to share your tips in the comments below if you’ve found something that helped you and your baby transition to their crib.