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The woman above is breastfeeding but… brace yourself… her baby showed no signs of weaning before she started breastfeeding. I was not interested. There are no signs. There is no ‘want’.
And…she put on another string…mother looked at her watch before she started feeding. The feeding started because of the clock.
How can that be?
Doesn’t responsive feeding mean ‘child-led’?
Shouldn’t the mother feed the child following his instructions and messages?
Isn’t responsive feeding just another way of saying ‘eating on demand’ but we don’t use the word ‘want’ anymore because it seems childish and rude?
No.
Responsive feeding is not just politely saying ‘eat on demand’.
Let’s say this woman was looking at her watch because she had to pick up her child in an hour. He wanted to get some food before he left.
However, they refuse to feed.
Suppose he has to go to work. She has a Zumba class. She wants to go to the bathroom and leave the baby with her friend.
However, they refuse to feed.
He feels tired. He is feeling anxious. They make terrible phone calls and want to be caught.
However, they refuse to feed.
Because women can have ‘needs’ too. They are allowed to have needs and desires and instincts and desires. Responsive feeding is a two-way street. It’s a relationship between two people with back and forth and compromise. Sometimes a person takes the lead. Sometimes.
It is not a mother under the control of a teengro-dressed master (or mistress).
Women can make decisions too. They can lead. They can be difficult. Sometimes their thoughts may be first for a while. Responsive feeding does not just mean that the mother provides for her needs. Or always putting yourself second (or third or fourth).
Feeding in response to two people meeting each other’s needs. The mother may not express milk, but the baby often does not want milk on its own. Responsive feeding meets the emotional needs of both mother and child.
Here are some of the UNICEF Baby Friendly infosheets which can be found in full here.
“Responsive breastfeeding includes paying attention to what her baby is telling her, as well as her willingness to feed her baby.” It is interesting that breastfeeding recognizes that feeding is not only for health, but also for love, comfort and encouragement between the baby and the mother.
She can also give her breast to meet her needs, for example before going out, before going to bed or because she wants to sit down, rest and cuddle with her baby.
So, yes, sometimes a new mother can feed ‘by the clock’ and that would be fine. She may want to breastfeed for her own reasons – and that’s how it should work.