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When it comes to breaking a routine or changing a routine, we tend to make small changes to the formula, because the baby doesn’t respond at first, or because we think that a small change will make our baby “normal” for our baby, which we know, and our medicine teacher / breastfeeding / sleep consultant does not.
And we are absolutely right in thinking that. Mothers know their children better than anyone else. We have a well-developed sixth sense when it comes to our children, and we can tell if there is something wrong with them, even if scientists and medical professionals cannot.
Which is great, but it comes with one small drawback.
Sometimes we depend too little.
In my experience, parents who rely too much on their instincts have a difficult time teaching their children to sleep on their own.
Why? Because he won’t let the baby cry? Well, sometimes, but there are a number of situations where our knowledge can lead us wrong when it comes to sleep training. Here are a few that I see.
Obviously, as parents, our children need us for everything. When it comes to mammals, human babies are among the most needy out there, so we’re committed to helping them whenever they need it.
Bedtime is the first time for many babies that your baby will learn to “sleep on his own,” so to speak. (Disclaimer: This is just a metaphor and I’m not advocating that your child be left alone all night without any comfort or comfort. You hear me, haters?)
What I mean by this is that babies need to learn to sleep on their own, and sometimes parents can unwittingly disrupt the learning process by rushing in, picking up, singing, rocking, and falling asleep right after they wake up.
Think of it as a baby’s homework routine. It can help in the short term, they don’t learn anything.
This may include feeding until “sleep,” or feeding until bedtime.
When people hear the word “shelter,” they tend to think of it as a toy, or something inanimate. It is not. Feeding is one of the most common sleep problems I see, and why? The baby, wrapped in a blanket, slowly jumps into the mother’s arms, full and relaxed. It’s a great way to fall asleep, but if you rely on it as part of your bedtime routine, then what do you do at 3 a.m. when you wake up?
If you have a problem with your baby falling asleep while feeding, try to move his food at the beginning of bedtime and save the story and bath time until the end.
It seems logical that, if your child is really tired, he should sleep well in bed. So if you miss sleep, it’s okay, right? This should mean that he will be more sleepy afterwards, and therefore have a better night’s sleep. I know parents who try to prevent their children from sleeping during the day so they can sleep through the night.
This is another reason why I don’t like the idea of conscious parenting. It makes sense, but that’s not what actually happens. Instead, the child becomes very tired, and his body begins to release these hormones that cause stress, which causes him to be awake. In short, a child cannot sleep because he is too tired. So naps! Baby needs to sleep! We need him to be tired enough to go to bed.
- Lots of sleep disturbances
There are tons of products out there that are designed to make your baby’s nursery a place of comfort, and for adults, they seem effective. A bright blue monitor, a round cloud, a bright night light in the shape of a loved one, or a small water bottle hanging from their bed, may seem like comforting things to us, but in my experience babies sleep better in a dark room, without distractions. Clean noise machines are the only ones that omit this command that I’ve found.
Parents I’ve worked with in the past have been reluctant to remove these types of distractions, mostly because they’ve seen little (and temporary) improvement after introducing them. “That’s what he likes the most!” they will tell me. “She fell asleep within minutes the first night we turned it on!” This may be true, but like most things kids do, they like the novelty of it, and then they get tired of moving on. And when you’re tired of a star projector or cell phone, and it’s still going when you try to sleep, it’s just annoying.
“Sometimes…” “If he is really suffering…” “Depending on if he is…”
If you hear yourself saying these kinds of words, keep it.
Babies don’t understand special situations. All they know is cause and effect, and it only goes back to the last time. If he wakes up crying, and Mom tucks him into his bed at night, he doesn’t always think about what didn’t happen. They just know that it worked last time and, therefore, it should work next time.
Disagreement is hard, I know. Sometimes it just seems like you’ve hit a wall and, in desperation, you think you’re going to change things. But believe me, kids spend about 50% of their time testing their limits. (Not actual, researched statistics. Just exaggeration.)
As much as it may seem, children thrive on schedule and consistency, so avoid temptation when it comes. You will get better results if you stick to your guns.
Now, having said all that, I would like to add that the title of this piece can be a little misleading. You’re probably not doing anything “wrong” per say. These may be some changes you can make to help your baby sleep through the night. If you love, feed and spend time with your child, the answer is “You are doing everything right.”
If your baby, toddler or child is having trouble sleeping through the night, help is just a click away! The Sleep Sense Program has helped more than 57,00 parents to get their children to sleep 11-12 hours overnight AND taking long naps, relaxing during the day. If you’re ready to get started today – I look forward to helping you!